Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For: The Seattle Seahawks

By J-Dub and Meehan

As part of Sports Blog Movement’s Super Bowl coverage, we are taking a page from J-Dubs own blog Dubsism. There, he made it a point to depart from the usual Super Bowl bluster; we aren’t here to tell you a bunch of shit about who’s going to win, why there going to win, and we sure as shit aren’t getting into those godawful “human interest” story about some third-string linebacker whose kid has a disease you never heard of.

This year, J-Dub is teaming up with SBM Managing Editor Ryan Meehan, whose dyspeptic rants make for the perfect complement to  J-Dubs’ “crabby old man” bullshit. As far as the Super Bowl is concerned, this means SBM will be taking the Dubsism bit about telling you why you shouldn’t cheer for either contestant, and giving it the twist only SBM can give you.

Having said that, here’s why you shouldn’t cheer for the Seattle Seahawks.

Why You Shouldn’t Cheer For: The Denver Broncos

By J-Dub and Meehan

As part of Sports Blog Movement’s Super Bowl coverage, we are taking a page from J-Dubs own blog Dubsism. There, he made it a point to depart from the usual Super Bowl bluster; we aren’t here to tell you a bunch of shit about who’s going to win, why there going to win, and we sure as shit aren’t getting into those godawful “human interest” story about some third-string linebacker whose kid has a disease you never heard of.

This year, J-Dub is teaming up with SBM Managing Editor Ryan Meehan, whose dyspeptic rants make for the perfect complement to  J-Dubs’ “crabby old man” bullshit. As far as the Super Bowl is concerned, this means SBM will be taking the Dubsism bit about telling you why you shouldn’t cheer for either contestant, and giving it the twist only SBM can give you.

Having said that, here’s why you shouldn’t cheer for the Denver Broncos.

Some Rambling Thoughts on the Seahawks Being in the Super Bowl

The Seattle Seahawks are making the franchise’s second ever appearance in the Super Bowl — the first was in Super Bowl XL back in 2006. Let’s all take a moment to let that sink in, because that’s just incredible to think about. After all the crap the sport’s gods have thrown at the state of Washington over the last decade (no the Kings staying in Sacramento doesn’t count, at least not on here), the City of Seattle is getting something nice.

The first part of that something nice is the fact that the Hawks was the hoisting of the NFC Championship trophy on the turf last Sunday; the second part is participating in the Super Bowl; and there is a possible third part…that would be the chocolate syrup on top of the cherry.

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What Can Be Fixed vs. What Can’t Be Fixed Regarding NFL Officiating‏‏‏‏

NFL Championship weekend is now complete and the Super Bowl matchup has been set. There’s been a lot of talk about some of the officiating problems and mistakes that we saw yesterday, and I thought I’d go ahead and set the record straight as far as what the competition committee can go about fixing before that 2014-2015 NFL season is kicked off.

There were some bad calls (as well as some bad no-calls) in the Denver/New England game, but that isn’t what this piece is about. The Broncos were clearly the better team on Sunday, and that’s why they won. The refs can’t rig a double digit victory, that just doesn’t happen. The Patriots were playing on borrowed time and a roster full of second stringers against what has been statistically the best offense in NFL history. Orange crushed, and rightfully so. To be brutally honest, I was shocked that it wasn’t more brutal than ten points.

What We Learned From the NFL Divisional Round and What It Means For the Conference Championships

By J-Dub and Meehan

It’s no secret the NFL is king in America, and nothing proves it quite like Conference Championship Sunday.  It’s like this:  If you live in the Eastern Time Zone like J-Dub, the games are on at 3 and 6:30 p.m.  If you live in the Central Time Zone like Meehan, they air at 2 and 5:30.  What that means is that the NFL basically doesn’t give a fuck about you eating dinner.  They know no matter what your usual schedule is, you’re going to break it, and you’re going to do so with a bigger smile on your face than a lonely guy who just got mailed a Viagra sample and a free weekend of Cinemax.

Not pictured: The people in this family who matter

Kommissar Goodell and the rest of the NFL Politburo know that, and that’s why they schedule these games making sure that 80% of the U.S. population has to choose between football and feeding themselves. Do you think it is a coincidence that one of the league’s biggest stars spends his time hawking those tomato-sauce herpes discs Papa John’s flings?  Face it, the people who think that shit is good pizza are…well…the people who think that shit is good pizza.

What the 2014 NFC Championship Game Means to Both Cities

The Seattle Seahawks and the San Francisco 49ers  have made it to the NFC Championship Game, this is the third match-up of the current seasn between these two teams. This means that arguably the two best teams in the NFL are facing off against each other two see who plays the winner of the Patriots/Broncos game in the Super Bowl.

Now both fan bases are at each others throats in the build up to this Sunday’s match-up. Between the two fan bases, the trash talk has been ratcheted up to a degree that is a slightly above insane. As a result, the internet — mainly social media — has become extremely difficult to navigate for those who don’t want to see internet tough guys yelling at each other.

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What We Learned From Wild-Card Weekend and What It Means For the Divisional Round

By J-Dub and Meehan

Before you run off to bet this weekend’s NFL playoffs games, you may want to consider what happened last week, as there are some crucial lessons to be learned.

1) Colts 45, Chiefs 44

For some reason, even when the Colts were looking up at a four touchdown deficit, we both knew that Kansas City was going to blow it. The problem with having a team that calls plays that conservatively is that when you need them to change the pace of the game, they just can’t fucking do it.  That’s sound a bit crazy to say about a team which hung 44 points on the board,  but the fact remains that’s what killed the Chiefs in the end.

What We Learned From Week 17 of the 2013 NFL Season: The Play-Off Preview Edition

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we promised in last week’s What We Learned piece, it is time for us here at Sports Blog Movement to breakdown this play-off season, because like we always say, there’s a ton of stuff you need to know that the usual suspects in the sports media will miss while they are busy lapping Peyton Manning’s spooge off a locker-room floor. Having said that, let’s break this down by conference.

AFC:

The Actual Conference Play-Off Power Rankings:

This has nothing to do with the seeding of the tournament; this has everything to do with who is playing the best football right now.

What We Learned From Week 11 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

Up until now, we’ve been consulting our medical expert Dr. Kelly Brackett for his prognoses on NFL teams. But now that we are clearly in the homestretch, it’s time to shift our focus from the survivors and the casualties to an analysis of the survival of the fittest. That means we change our expert as well; rather than looking for overall health, this becomes an exercise in actuarials…or to make it sound less insurance-like..it’s time to look at the odds of each possible contender making the play-offs.  For that, we have invited legendary movie odds-maker Sam “Ace” Rothstein for his thoughts.

AFC:

1) Indianapolis Colts (7-3)

Remaining Games:

• @Arizona
• Tennessee
• @Cincinnati
• Houston
• @Kansas City
• Jacksonville

Odds of Making Play-offs:

Metaphysical certainty. Steal as much money as you can get your hands on, then bet twice that much that Indianapolis will be in the play-offs.

Key Facts:

With six games to go, the Colts have a three-game lead in the AFC South over their closest competitor, and they just beat them on the road with a dramatic comeback victory.The Colts will make the playoffs because no one else in the AFC South will step up and challenge them.  The Titans are in second place, and the other two teams might as well be Terri Schiavo two days after they yanked her feeding tube.  They’ve already beaten Seattle, San Francisco, and the Broncos, and by the time they get to the Kansas City Chiefs, both teams could be just resting up for January.

SBM Exclusive Feature: The Ex-Kicker’s Round Table On NFL Contenders and Pretenders in 2013

With the NFL season fast approaching, it is once again time to break out our resident crew of NFL experts. In case you have forgotten, Sports Blog Movement retained five ex-NFL kickers to serve as a “McLaughlin Group” style discussion pane. The reason why we picked kickers is actually quite simple.

First of all, many kickers never made any real money during their careers, and as you will notice as you read the biographies of our newly-assembled panel, with the exception of Uwe von Schamann, they didn’t make a lot of money afterward. This means kickers are to football players what bloggers are to the main-stream media. What better kindred spirits could we have?

With that being said, allow us to re-familiarize you with our panel, then you can take in their takes on who will be the winners and the losers in the NFL in 2013.

Ex-Kicker: Ali Haji-Shiekh

For those of you who may not know, and we’re guessing that’s all of you, Ali Haji-Shiekh was a placekicker for the University of Michigan in the early 80′s, then went on to a rather short and mediocre NFL career.  Now, he’s the main man on the floor buffer at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, and he’s a little bit bitter about it.  Despite that, has some unique perspectives, so  including him on the panel was a no-brainer.  In fact, his caustioc wit and short temper is exactly why we made him the moderator 

Ex-Kicker: Rick Danmeier

Somehow, Danmeier made the journey from the University of Sioux Falls to a five-year stint with the Minnesota Vikings. One of the last straight-on kickers in the NFL, retirement saw Danmeier return to South Dakota and the isolation of his wheat farm.

Ex-Kicker: Donald Igwebuike

After immigrating from Nigeria, Igwebuike split the uprights for Clemson. His NFL days were spent mostly in more fruity colors with Tampa Bay. Now, his foot finds itself on the gas pedal of a Washington, D.C. taxi, and he’s clearly taken to the weight room in an attempt to over-compensate.

Ex-Kicker: Efren Herrera

America never seemed to suit Herrera.  After a career kicking for UCLA, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Seattle Seahawks, Herrera returned home and became a 19th-century Mexican warlord.

Ex-Kicker: Uwe von Schamann

After his five seasons with the Miami Dolphins, von Schamann returned to his college stomping grounds in Oklahoma, amassing bazillions of dollars in the oil business and spending his time plotting world domination. Dropping a kid from the recently de-Reiched Germany of the  into the “Yee-Haw” environment of Oklahoma of the 1970′s could only have the alkali-metal-tossed-into-the-fish-tank effect need to exemplify the “Adolf Eichmann-meets- J.R. Ewing”-type calculating evil of von Schamann.