Category Archives: Humor

Let’s Not Call It Good-Bye…Let’s Call It “Smell Ya Later.”


Some things it seems aren’t meant to last forever.  America’s quadrennial interest in soccer, pre-teen romances, and sports blogs are three things we all know can have a life-span shorter than a Christian Scientist with a severed artery.  By this time next week, the end of the World Cup will relegate soccer to that same American sports broom closet as the Olympics, the relationship between Lisa Simpson and Nelson Muntz will exists only in re-runs, and Sports Blog Movement will no longer show up in your news feed.

This incarnation of SBM started in January of 2012, the idea being one site dedicated to to cross-promoting the works of independent sports bloggers. We raised up against the iron-mauled sports blog tyranny of the ESPNs and the Bleacher Reports of the world.  After two and a half years, over 1,100 posts, and over a dozen different contributors, it time to realize that this attempt to be the next big thing in the world of sports blogging has met the same fate as many other revolutionary ideas…we’ve gone the way of the USFL, the Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football experiment, and that fucking “glowing puck” from when Fox covered the NHL.

The difference is those failures were easy to see.  Football in the spring? Hmmm…. A guy giving liquored-up NFL fans with GEDs comparisons to the Battle of Verdun? Yeah… Turning hockey into a Sega Genesis game that you don’t even get to play? Fuck that.

But SBM had content that kicked ass, largely because it had of contributors who kicked more ass than a 1997 version of Jean-Claude Van Damme would have if they had invented an ass-kicking version of Viagra. The upside is we know that, so we are going to drop fifteen and punt. In other words, SBM didn’t work, so we are suspending the site. But that doesn’t mean we are suspending the creation of awesome content.

Although you won’t see any new content on this version of SBM, Ryan Meehan and I are making plans as we speak to continue our collaborations. Jeremy Wiebe is probably too smart to answer my email asking for continued collaborations. To be honest, I’ve come to love the work of all the people I’ve worked with on SBM over these past few years, but to be honest, this bit is way funnier if I deliberately slight some of them.

That’s really why it is important for you to realize the content of SBM isn’t going away.  The individual blogs we were trying to promote are still out there, and they will continue to be the home of the content you have come to expect.

And who knows…maybe…just maybe SBM will be back someday…


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Now that the Donald Sterling Controversy has Died Down, it’s Time to Discuss the Most Overlooked Aspect of that Whole Debacle


It seems like forever ago that TMZ released the tapes of soon-to-be former Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling telling his “personal assistant” that her African-American friends were not welcome at Clippers games.  But in all reality it was just a few short weeks ago in which this all transpired.    We have all heard the standard takes:  The most popular one has been the sports radio guys acting like this is the end of the world and pretty much suggesting this asshole be executed in public.  It’s become a content of one-upsmanship to the most disturbing degree, and par for the course in this wonderland of manufactured outrage.

Then there have been those who said that we should have all seen this coming.  This a genuine take (and one that Dubs had in his podcast) that suggests that we all knew Donald Sterling was a racist before we heard this on tape.  He’s been chasing minorities out of his properties for decades, which is almost unthinkable when you consider he’d never set foot in any of those places without a gallon of hand sanitizer in his hand.  (Of course I’m kidding – he’d probably have his “assistant” carrying it…)  Sterling was known to check players out in the locker room and feel their muscles almost as if he was purchasing slaves, and if I listed every other reason why he’s racist this column wouldn’t get finished until we’re done with the great Russian War of 2017.     But throughout all of that, we seem to have been missing what is the most overlooked point of this entire situation.  A point that has been glossed over so much it’s almost hard to believe nobody is talking about, but then again that’s what Sports Blog Movement is for.  And that point is… Continue reading


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The Sports Blog Movement Grading Breakdown of Week One of the 2014 NFL Season ‏


The 2014 NFL schedule was released Tuesday, and I had planned on doing a column about which games would be the best on the lineup.  But then I realized two things:  1)  Somebody on this site will probably already be doing that, and 2) That’s not going to be as ruthless as me bagging on some of the other things that were going on in the league.

Thankfully, I never had to do that research.  The reason for that is because week one in the NFL is just about as big of a joke as one can find anywhere.  So without further ado, let’s take a look at just how weak week one is actually going to be.    Continue reading


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SBM Exclusive: Sports Doppelgangers, Volume 62 – Explaining the Indiana Pacers

Throughout the length and breadth of this NBA season, all we heard about was this vaunted race between the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers for the coveted #1 seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs.  For 62 games, the Pacers looked like a championship team waiting to happen. The Pacers were 18-2 in their first 20 games, which included wins over play-off teams such as the Chicago, bulls, Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers, and the West’s #1 seed, the San Antonio Spurs. The Circle City Five reached the 62-game mark sporting a  46-16 mark, which was good to keep them 3 games ahead of the Heat.

But then the wheels came off. Over the last 20 games of the regular season, the Pacers limped to a 10-10 mark, including a 36-point ass-hammering by the Spurs, and a 20-point manhandling at the hands of the very same Atlanta Hawks who look to be taking command of their first-round series with Indiana.

So, what the hell happened? You can get as many different answers to that question as people you ask.  So, I’ve taken it upon myself to offer something you won’t get anywhere else on the web: A Doppelganger-based explanation as to what is wrong with the Indiana Pacers.

1) Luis has been a “Firework”

lius scola russell brand

While there are several theories as to who isn’t performing, you can’t apply any of them to Luis Scola. Unfortunately, you can’t say the same for his doppelganger, Russell Brand. That’s because nobody has given a shit about Brand since he stopped sticking his “firework” into Katy Perry.

2) The Disappearance of “P-Mac” George

paul george tracy mcgrady

I’m not sure why it took until now for me to realize the resemblance between the Pacers’ Paul George and Tracy McGrady, unless it because George lately has been playing like T-Mac, and not the NBA All-Star McGrady was in days gone by. Paul George has been basketball playing more like today’s T-Mac, who is now pitching for the Sugar Land Skeeters in the independent Atlantic League.

3) The Island of Dr. Hibbert

roy hibbert dr hibbert

Say what you will, but at some point in the last month, Roy Hibbert went from a potential All-Star center to the chuckling Cosby-esque Dr. Julius Hibbert from The Simpsons, except the doctor never got stuffed twice in one game by Kyle fucking Korver.

4) You Can’t Spell “DissaPPointment” without “P”

pacers purdue piratesFace it, the letter “P” doesn’t bode well for championship hopes. The last time the Pacers won a league title was in 1973 when they topped the now-defunct American Basketball Association. 60 miles to the northwest of Indianapolis lies Purdue University, which despite having won more B1G Ten titles than any other school has yet to win a national championship. Then there’s the Pittsburgh Pirates, who since their last World Series win 35 years ago have only managed four first-round play-off losses.

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I May Have Already Mentioned This, But The Whole Offensive Goaltending Rule Is Stupid‏‏


On Sunday night at the end of a very heated game between the Washington Wizards and my Chicago Bulls, Joakim Noah tapped an errant shot that was going in any way through the hoop and the Wizards’ bench threw up their arms, disgusted at this heinous, earth-shattering crime they had just witnessed. The play was clearly one that could be classified as offensive goaltending, as Noah’s hand and the ball were obviously within the cylinder. Continue reading

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Five Arguments For and Against the Existence of God and Their Equivalents Concerning Jamie Moyer as a Hall of Famer


jamie moyer and god

One thing that is true about the blogosphere, and one of its greatest things overall, is the fact that you can find a list for just about any topic.  This is the parlance of Listverse, which is honestly one of the best sites anywhere. This is why we here at Dubsism have a long history of comparing an incredible non-sports entry from Listverse and comparing it to something from the sporting world.

Another thing which is true about the blogosphere is that it is the express train from the sublime to the ridiculous. That brings us to our Jamie Moyer for the Hall of Fame campaign.  Now that the clock for Moyer’s eligibility for induction into Cooperstown is ticking, it is time for one of those comparisons so that you can decide where on that spectrum this campaign resides.

moyerometer 052812

As you contemplate what is likely the last Dubsism Moyer-o-Meter, peruse

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The 2014 NFL Offseason Has Proved That Free Agency Hyperactivity Is At An All Time High, and Two May Soon Be The New Three…

Former Giants Defensive end Justin Tuck looks forward to another explosive sub-.500 season

Former Giants Defensive end Justin Tuck looks forward to another explosive sub-.500 season in a different jersey

Now that NFL free agency has kind of slowed down, we’ve really had the opportunity to sit back and let it soak in. We’ve seen franchise guys move around, and with every passing year it seems to surprise us less. As very well that it should, because free agency is crazy these days.

As you very well may know, I am a diehard New York Giants fan. The Giants had their most active offseason in recent history where they made some decent acquisitions, even garnering a B+ rating from their beat writer on They have brought back WR Mario Manningham, signed corner Walter Thurmond from the Seattle Seahawks and acquired a big name in Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie to help him try and repair that less than impenetrable New York Giants secondary amongst several other players. For the first time in as long as I remember, they really impressed me by going out of their way to make bold moves.

But as Dubsism would say…Here’s the $64,000 question: Did the Giants finally decide to make moves based on the way that they are going to run their own franchise for the next ten years; or did they make moves based on the way that they rest of the league seems to be losing their patience with players who do not perform? I personally think this is a case of monkey-see, monkey-do. The New York Giants will never be trendsetters; the franchise is just simply too old and doesn’t have what it takes to stick their neck out and lead the way due to their football-oriented conservative fanbase and ownership. So I believe that they have finally just caught up with the rest of the league, but in their defense the rest of this league has moved really fast. Just think about what’s happened this offseason already… Continue reading

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Rants From the Palouse: My Mariners Home Opener Streak Ends at 22

The Seattle Mariners are my hometown baseball team, they have been since the day I was born and they will continue to be until the day I die. No matter how many 101-loss heartbreaking seasons the M’s put me through, no matter how many times some no body pitcher throws a perfect game against it, this franchise will always be my hometown team. That’s just how it is when you grow up with a father who’s first baseball games were with a franchise that only existed for one year.

I wish I could tell you I remember my first baseball game, but I can’t…because I was merely four months old at the time. It was the Mariners’ home opener that year (April 16, 1993) — that season was also the second time in franchise history that the team finished with a .500 record — and I went to the next 22 home openers; without missing a beat, despite the fact that I go to school 300+ miles east of Seattle.

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The Opportunist: Wally Szczerbiak’s NBA Career

szczerbiaAs the Sweet 16 boils down to the Elite Eight, I’d like to turn your attention to a man who turned his knack for striking while the iron’s hot into a decade-plus-long NBA career. It was during the tournament in 1999, when Wally Szczerbiak stormed onto the national scene. His Miami, Ohio RedHawks were the 10 seed, facing the heavily-favored, seventh seeded Washington Huskies.

In a 59-58 win over Washington, Szczerbiak scored a remarkable 43 points. He took 33 shots from the field–the rest of the Red Hawks attempted just 22 shots. He collected 12 boards and shot 5-12 from three-point land. The team advanced to the second round, where they took on the 2-seeded Utah Utes.

It was a showdown featuring Szczerbiak versus Utah’s future NBA sharpshooter Andre Miller. Miller did his best, scoring 20 points and grabbing six rebounds, but it was Miami of Ohio, behind Szczerbiak’s 24-point, 8-rebound effort, continuing their Cinderella run to the Sweet 16. Miami finally lost to Kentucky, but Wally Szczerbiak became a household name (once households learned how to pronounce it).

Wally went sixth overall to the Timberwolves  in that year’s draft. His tourney foe Andre Miller went eighth. After an impressive rookie season, two more solid years followed for Szczerbiak, including his 2002 campaign–his best as a pro. He made his lone All-Star game appearance in 2002 for the T-Wolves. And that off-season, seeing what they had in Szczerbiak, Minnesota decided they NEEDED to keep Wally in the Twin Cities, so they gave him a 6-year, $63 million extension, the structure of which was heavily back-loaded.

Six  years and several teams later, Szczerbiak was one of the richest bench players in the NBA and an annual member of the NBA’s All-Expiring-Contract team, the players of which are constantly on tour throughout the land, and whom are traded mid-season almost every year (See: Raef LaFrentz). He was somewhat famously involved in the trade that sent Ray Allen to the Celtics, as he moved to Seattle before their final season as the SuperSonics in 2007-08.

He now works in broadcasting, as a member of the MSG network post-game crew for Knicks games. In total, Szczerbiak played parts of twelve seasons in the NBA, and was a pretty good player (14.1 PPG). But he always carried the “ridiculously overpaid” moniker. I say he was simply one of the most opportunistic players the game has ever seen. It’s good work, as they say, if ya can get it.


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OA Podcast Episode 6

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