It’s no secret the NFL is king in America, and nothing proves it quite like Conference Championship Sunday. It’s like this: If you live in the Eastern Time Zone like J-Dub, the games are on at 3 and 6:30 p.m. If you live in the Central Time Zone like Meehan, they air at 2 and 5:30. What that means is that the NFL basically doesn’t give a fuck about you eating dinner. They know no matter what your usual schedule is, you’re going to break it, and you’re going to do so with a bigger smile on your face than a lonely guy who just got mailed a Viagra sample and a free weekend of Cinemax.
Kommissar Goodell and the rest of the NFL Politburo know that, and that’s why they schedule these games making sure that 80% of the U.S. population has to choose between football and feeding themselves. Do you think it is a coincidence that one of the league’s biggest stars spends his time hawking those tomato-sauce herpes discs Papa John’s flings? Face it, the people who think that shit is good pizza are…well…the people who think that shit is good pizza.