What We Learned From the NFL Divisional Round and What It Means For the Conference Championships

By J-Dub and Meehan

It’s no secret the NFL is king in America, and nothing proves it quite like Conference Championship Sunday.  It’s like this:  If you live in the Eastern Time Zone like J-Dub, the games are on at 3 and 6:30 p.m.  If you live in the Central Time Zone like Meehan, they air at 2 and 5:30.  What that means is that the NFL basically doesn’t give a fuck about you eating dinner.  They know no matter what your usual schedule is, you’re going to break it, and you’re going to do so with a bigger smile on your face than a lonely guy who just got mailed a Viagra sample and a free weekend of Cinemax.

Not pictured: The people in this family who matter

Kommissar Goodell and the rest of the NFL Politburo know that, and that’s why they schedule these games making sure that 80% of the U.S. population has to choose between football and feeding themselves. Do you think it is a coincidence that one of the league’s biggest stars spends his time hawking those tomato-sauce herpes discs Papa John’s flings?  Face it, the people who think that shit is good pizza are…well…the people who think that shit is good pizza.

What We Learned From Wild-Card Weekend and What It Means For the Divisional Round

By J-Dub and Meehan

Before you run off to bet this weekend’s NFL playoffs games, you may want to consider what happened last week, as there are some crucial lessons to be learned.

1) Colts 45, Chiefs 44

For some reason, even when the Colts were looking up at a four touchdown deficit, we both knew that Kansas City was going to blow it. The problem with having a team that calls plays that conservatively is that when you need them to change the pace of the game, they just can’t fucking do it.  That’s sound a bit crazy to say about a team which hung 44 points on the board,  but the fact remains that’s what killed the Chiefs in the end.

What We Learned From Week 17 of the 2013 NFL Season: The Play-Off Preview Edition

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we promised in last week’s What We Learned piece, it is time for us here at Sports Blog Movement to breakdown this play-off season, because like we always say, there’s a ton of stuff you need to know that the usual suspects in the sports media will miss while they are busy lapping Peyton Manning’s spooge off a locker-room floor. Having said that, let’s break this down by conference.

AFC:

The Actual Conference Play-Off Power Rankings:

This has nothing to do with the seeding of the tournament; this has everything to do with who is playing the best football right now.

What We Learned From Week 16 of the 2013 NFL Season: The Coaches’ Death Watch Edition

By J-Dub and Meehan

This will be our  last regular-season weekly breakdown; by this time next week, all the play-off matches will be set, and that means the time for looking back is as gone as that stuff Marv Albert used to call hair. Play-off predictions aside, there’s another thing that will start happening, and it may not even wait until next week.  It’s the time of year when NFL start getting clipped at a rate faster than mob informants.  Gary Kubiak was the first, but he sure as shit won’t be the last. That’s why we are here to run down the most likely candidates to face the Sword of Damocles over the next few days.

1) Mike Shanahan – Washington Redskins

Mmmmmmm…Arby’s Sauce.

What We Learned From Week 15 of the 2013 NFL Season: Truth or Lie Edition, Part III

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we have been doing all season, we are breaking down things that you need to know as we head into the play-offs. As we get closer, that means that issues with team get more magnified. That also means that a lot of assumptions that have been held about the teams who are still play-off contenders become true or get exposed as just another pack of lies. So, without any further adieu, here are this week’s questions…

1) Truth or Lie: The Philadelphia Eagles Defense is a joke.

We Say: Truth

They allowed 29 First downs and almost 50 points against a Minnesota Vikings team with no Adrian Peterson and they made Matt Cassel look like the second coming of Fran Tarkenton. As brilliant as Nick Foles and the offense have been, the defense has been the exact inverse.

What We Learned From Week 14 of the 2013 NFL Season – The “Truth Or Lies” Edition, Part II

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we have been doing all season, we are breaking down things that you need to know as we head into the play-offs. As we get closer, that means that issues with team get more magnified. That also means that a lot of assumptions that have been held about the teams who are still play-off contenders become true or get exposed as just another pack of lies. So, without any further adieu, here are this week’s questions…

1) Truth or Lie: Nick Foles is the real deal

What We Learned From Week 13 of the 2013 NFL Season – The “Truth Or Lies” Edition, Part I

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we have been doing all season, we are breaking down things that you need to know as we head into the play-offs. As we get closer, that means that issues with team get more magnified. That also means that a lot of assumptions that have been held about the teams who are still play-off contenders become true or get exposed as just another pack of lies. So, without any further adieu, here are this week’s questions…

1) Truth or Lie: The Detroit Lions can win the NFC. 

What We Learned From Week 12 of the 2013 NFL Season – Time For You To Vote On Our Poll Questions

By J-Dub and Meehan

Up until now, we had been consulting our medical expert Dr. Kelly Brackett for his prognoses on NFL teams. Then we asked legendary movie odds-maker Sam “Ace” Rothstein for his thoughts. Now it’s your turn. That’s right, we’ve decided to take some of our observations about this past week in the NFL and open them up to the public in the form of poll questions. It’s not a new concept, but since nobody tends to ask the kind of questions we do, it promises to yield some interesting discussion.

1) Is Thursday Night Football a Conspiracy?

What We Learned From Week 11 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

Up until now, we’ve been consulting our medical expert Dr. Kelly Brackett for his prognoses on NFL teams. But now that we are clearly in the homestretch, it’s time to shift our focus from the survivors and the casualties to an analysis of the survival of the fittest. That means we change our expert as well; rather than looking for overall health, this becomes an exercise in actuarials…or to make it sound less insurance-like..it’s time to look at the odds of each possible contender making the play-offs.  For that, we have invited legendary movie odds-maker Sam “Ace” Rothstein for his thoughts.

AFC:

1) Indianapolis Colts (7-3)

Remaining Games:

• @Arizona
• Tennessee
• @Cincinnati
• Houston
• @Kansas City
• Jacksonville

Odds of Making Play-offs:

Metaphysical certainty. Steal as much money as you can get your hands on, then bet twice that much that Indianapolis will be in the play-offs.

Key Facts:

With six games to go, the Colts have a three-game lead in the AFC South over their closest competitor, and they just beat them on the road with a dramatic comeback victory.The Colts will make the playoffs because no one else in the AFC South will step up and challenge them.  The Titans are in second place, and the other two teams might as well be Terri Schiavo two days after they yanked her feeding tube.  They’ve already beaten Seattle, San Francisco, and the Broncos, and by the time they get to the Kansas City Chiefs, both teams could be just resting up for January.

What We Learned From Week 10 of the 2013 NFL Season: Contenders, Pretenders, and the Undead

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we usually say, another week has passed in the sportsgasm that is the NFL season, but this week is a bit different, because this is Week 10. As our resident medical expert will point out, this is now the time where every  team has played at least halfway through it’s schedule, and it is time to start taking a hard look at playoff contenders, pretenders, and those who just might rise from the grave.

Your Comprehensive Dr. Kelly Brackett NFL Team Health Rundown

Now that we are at Week 10, this is really the middle of the season for everybody, bye weeks inclusive. Ever since Week Five, I have been on SBM offering my diagnoses of NFL teams. Now that we are past the midway point for everybody, it is time for me to break down all the teams and whether or not they can survive the rest of the season.

Already Pronounced Dead:

• New York Giants
• Jacksonville Jaguars
• Atlanta Falcons
• Oakland Raiders
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers
• Pittsburgh Steelers
• Minnesota Vikings
• Washington Redskins
• Philadelphia Eagles**