SBM Exclusive: The Worst Teams Of All Time

Here’s another feature from Sports Blog Movement. One of the things we love to do in sports is celebrate success, but in order to truly appreciate greatness, we must look at the other side of the coin.  This series, aptly enough called the Worst Teams of All Time, is dedicated to some of the worst teams in the history of sports.  Some were just truly bad, and some became bad at the wrong time.  Either way, all of them exemplify the opposite of greatness. Some had laughable regular seasons, and some had strong ones, only to die in the post-season. In any event, sit back and enjoy a good laugh or a good cry and celebrate the teams that were woeful so you can better appreciate the teams that weren’t.

Part 41: The Michigan Wolverines in the 1985 NCAA Tournament

Part 40:  The 1992 Seattle Seahawks

Part 39: The 1976 Montreal Expos

Part 38: The 2013 Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Part 37: The 1982-83 Houston Rockets

Part 36: The 1992-93 Ottawa Senators

Part 35: The 2002 Saudi Arabian World Cup Soccer Team

Part 34:  The 1989 Dallas Cowboys

Part 33: The 1998 Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Part 32: The 1982 Pittsburgh Pirates

Part 31: The 1986-87 Los Angeles Clippers

Part 30: The 1977-78 Minnesota North Stars

Part 29: The 1998 U.S. World Cup Soccer Team

Part 28: The 1996 New York Jets

Part 27:  The 2007 Toronto Argonauts

Part 26: The 1982 Minnesota Twins

Part 25: The 2007-08 Miami Heat

Part 24: The 1984-85 Toronto Maple Leafs

Part 23: The 1994 Greek World Cup Soccer Team

Part 22: The 2004 San Francisco 49ers

Part 21: The 1985 Calgary Stampeders

Part 2o: The 1987 Cleveland Indians

Part 19: The 2000-01 Chicago Bulls

Part 18: The 2000-01 New York Islanders   

Part 17: The 2001 XFL Birmingham Thunderbolts

Part 16: The 1990 United Arab Emirates World Cup Soccer Team

Part 15: The 1980 New Orleans Saints

Part 14: The 2003 Hamilton Tiger-Cats

Part 13: The 1998 Florida Marlins

Part 12: The 2009-2010 New Jersey Nets

Part 11: The 1989-90 Quebec Nordiques

Part 1o: The 1986 Canada World Cup Soccer Team

Part 9: The 1976 Tampa Bat Buccaneers

Part 8: The 2003 Detroit Tigers

Part 7: The 1992-93 Dallas Mavericks

Part 6: The 1980-81 Winnipeg Jets

Part 5: The 1982 El Salvador World Cup Soccer Team

Part 4: The 2008 Detroit Lions

Part 3: The 1993 New York Mets

Part 2: The 1982-83 Cleveland Cavaliers

Part 1: The 1974-75 Washington Capitals

Stay tuned, there’s more to come…

What We Learned From Week 13 of the 2013 NFL Season – The “Truth Or Lies” Edition, Part I

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we have been doing all season, we are breaking down things that you need to know as we head into the play-offs. As we get closer, that means that issues with team get more magnified. That also means that a lot of assumptions that have been held about the teams who are still play-off contenders become true or get exposed as just another pack of lies. So, without any further adieu, here are this week’s questions…

1) Truth or Lie: The Detroit Lions can win the NFC. 

What We Learned From Week 11 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

Up until now, we’ve been consulting our medical expert Dr. Kelly Brackett for his prognoses on NFL teams. But now that we are clearly in the homestretch, it’s time to shift our focus from the survivors and the casualties to an analysis of the survival of the fittest. That means we change our expert as well; rather than looking for overall health, this becomes an exercise in actuarials…or to make it sound less insurance-like..it’s time to look at the odds of each possible contender making the play-offs.  For that, we have invited legendary movie odds-maker Sam “Ace” Rothstein for his thoughts.

AFC:

1) Indianapolis Colts (7-3)

Remaining Games:

• @Arizona
• Tennessee
• @Cincinnati
• Houston
• @Kansas City
• Jacksonville

Odds of Making Play-offs:

Metaphysical certainty. Steal as much money as you can get your hands on, then bet twice that much that Indianapolis will be in the play-offs.

Key Facts:

With six games to go, the Colts have a three-game lead in the AFC South over their closest competitor, and they just beat them on the road with a dramatic comeback victory.The Colts will make the playoffs because no one else in the AFC South will step up and challenge them.  The Titans are in second place, and the other two teams might as well be Terri Schiavo two days after they yanked her feeding tube.  They’ve already beaten Seattle, San Francisco, and the Broncos, and by the time they get to the Kansas City Chiefs, both teams could be just resting up for January.

What We Learned From Week 8 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

Yet another week has passed in the sportsgasm that is the NFL season, and that means it is time for us to tell you some things you need to know without the self-serving spin those assbags at ESPN will never give you. We know this because if you think you can get real football information from concussion poster children like Merrill Hoge, you probably also didn’t know that tetherball originated as  ninth-century Tatar war ritual that involved chopping off the head of your dead enemy, tying it to a pole, and beating the shit out of it.

Think about that the next time you drive by an elementary school. Now let’s learn something about this week in the NFL. 

1) Your Official Dr. Kelly Brackett NFL Death Watch:

Philadelphia Eagles

• Cause of Death: Vick-Barkley Syndrome
• Autopsy Report with Bonus Comment:  For the record, Meehan accurately projected how the Eagles would start this game.  Ah yes…here it is…

“But after all that, really – it’s a 60% capacity Michael Vick versus Eli.  And after Vick leaves the game because he aggravates that hamstring yet again, it’ll be Matt Barkley in his place.”

IN DEFENSE OF NATE BURLESON

by Ryan Meehan

On Monday I posted an article crying foul on the whole “Nothing Good ever happens after midnight” cliché.  True to form, that very night we had another NFL related incident that involved equally bizarre circumstances.  Around 2:25AM on Tuesday morning, Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson was involved in a one car accident where he crashed into a median wall.  He was not intoxicated and no field sobriety test was given.  What’s odd about this incident is that Burleson was trying to pick up two pizza boxes in the back seat of the vehicle which had fallen onto the floorboard, and that’s what caused the crash. 

Sports Blog Movement NFL Preview NFC North

The NFC North, otherwise known as the “Black and Blue Division,” has a long history of tough, hard-nosed football. It has a short history of domination by one team. The Green Bay Packers have finished atop of the division three out of the last five seasons. Last season, the Packers rolled to the division title with a 11-5 record. How dominant are the Packers? In 2010, they didn’t win the division, but won a Super Bowl title, defeating the arch-rival Chicago Bears in the NFC Championship game. Here’s a look at how the division should shape up in 2013.

1. Green Bay Packers. 11-5

Additions: Vince Young QB (FA, Buffalo) Eddie Lacy RB (Draft, Alabama) Datone Jones DE (Draft, UCLA)

Subtractions: Jeff Saturday C (Released) Charles Woodson CB, (Released, Signed with Oakland) Greg Jennings WR, (FA, Signed with Minnesota)

The Packers didn’t make that many changes in the offseason, which is a good and bad thing. The positive is that quarterback Aaron Rodgers still leads a high-powered offense, that can score more often than Hugh Hefner in 1975. The negative is that a suspect defense remains intact, despite being exposed by San Francisco in the playoffs last season. The Packers averaged 27 points per game last season, so they know where the end zone is. The problem, especially come playoff time is, keeping the opposition out of their end zone. The Packers conceded 45 points to the 49ers in last year’s playoff loss. The year before against the New York Giants, the Packers gave up 37 points. Green Bay has been fortunate that the rest of the division has yet to step up, so winning the division isn’t the hard part. The question in the land of dairy and milk is, can the Packers get over the hump like they did in 2010? Or is another playoff disaster looming? Head coach Mike McCarthy better figure it out soon, or he could be on the unemployment line faster than Edward Snowden when he returns to the United States.

2. Chicago Bears 9-7

Additions: Martellus Bennett TE, (FA, New York Giants) Jermon Bushrod T, (FA, New Orleans) Steve Maneri TE, (FA, Kansas City) Kyle Long G, (Draft, Oregon) Leonard Pope TE, (FA, Pittsburgh) Trent Edwards QB, (FA, Philadelphia)

Subtractions: Brian Urlacher LB, (retired) Israel Idonije DE (FA, Detroit) Johnny Knox WR/KR, (Released) Kellen Davis TE, (Released) Matt Spaeth TE, (Released)

After a 7-1 start and a playoff berth all but locked up, the Chicago Bears struggled down the stretch and missed the playoffs, despite a 10-6 record. It was enough to cost head coach Lovie Smith his job, and a new ear was ushered in. Marc Trestman takes over the head coaching position, after five very successful seasons with the CFL’s Montreal Alouettes, in which Trestman won two Grey Cups, and four first place finishes. Trestman does have NFL experience, as he was the offensive coordinator for the Oakland Raiders, when they went to the Super Bowl, during the 2002 season. (Yes people, the Raiders actually appeared in a Super Bowl. Now get your jaws off the floor.) Trestman is known to be a quarterback guru, and his mission in the Windy City is to turn Jay Cutler into a winner. Cutler has shown signs of brilliance, but has shown more signs of flat-out ugliness, as his 14 interceptions will attest. The defense won’t have Brian Urlacher anymore, as he decided to hang up his cleats, and join FOX television as a studio analyst. It will be up to the likes of Lance Briggs, Julius Peppers and Charles Tillman, to carry on the tradition of a hard-hitting defense that Bears fans crave for. The Bears know how to beat weaker foes, but they must improve on their 2-6 record against playoff bound opponents. If Chicago can’t defeat teams that are ahead of them, it won’t matter if Mike Ditka or Dick Jauron is manning the sidelines.

3. Detroit Lions 7-9

Additions: Reggie Bush RB, (FA, Miami) Israel Idonije DE, (FA, Chicago) Jason Jones DE, (FA, Seattle) David Akers K, (FA, San Francisco) Glover Quin S, (FA, Houston) Ziggy Ansah DE, (Draft, BYU) Rashean Mathis CB, (FA, Jacksonville)

Subtractions: Titus Young WR, (Released) Kyle Vanden Bosch DE, (Released) Stephen Peterman G, (Released, New York Jets) Jason Hansen K, (Retired) Brian Robiskie WR, (Released) Jahvid Best RB, (Released) Jacob Lacey CB, (Released) Lawrence Jackson DE, (Released, Minnesota) Drayton Florence CB, (FA, Carolina)

There is no doubt that the Detroit Lions have talent. However, is the talent being used properly? Or is the talent being guided properly? Head coach Jim Schwartz is on the hot seat and he must make the playoffs, or he will be gone out of Detroit faster than the Edsel. The problem is Schwartz is as intelligent as a Kardashian so expect the Lions to not live up to their potential. Too bad. Calvin Johnson is the best wide receiver in the NFL, and is being wasted on the Lions. Megatron broke the NFL record for most receiving yards in a season. (1,964 yards) Reggie Bush should help the offense, but Matthew Stafford needs to cut down his interceptions. His 17 picks were damaging to the Lions and he drastically needs to reduce that number by half. The defense should be improved, thanks to the additions of Israel Idonije and first round pick Ziggy Ansah. But as long as Schwartz continues to be the dumb ass we all love to hate, the Lions will spend another year in mediocrity.

4. Minnesota Vikings 5-11

Additions: Greg Jennings WR, (FA, Green Bay) Matt Cassel QB, (FA, Kansas City) Sharrif Floyd DT, (Draft, Florida) Desmond Bishop LB, (FA, Green Bay) Seth Olsen G, (FA, Indianapolis) Lawrence Jackson DE, (FA, Detroit)

Subtractions: Percy Harvin WR, (Trade, Seattle) Antoine Winfield CB, (Released, Seattle) Michael Jenkins WR, (Released) Chris Kluwe P, (Released, Oakland)

The Minnesota Vikings are Adrian Peterson, and not much else. OK that isn’t entirely true but pretty damn close. Peterson was amazing in 2012, rushing for 2,097 yards, just eight yards short of the all-time single season record. This, after coming off reconstructive knee surgery! So yes, Adrian Peterson is a great football player. But what else do the Vikings have? Christian Ponder? I don’t trust him to take care of my pet goldfish, let alone lead an NFL offense. (I don’t have a pet goldfish but if I did, I wouldn’t trust Ponder to feed it every day.) The receivers? Greg Jennings will help, but he will realize very soon that Ponder is not Aaron Rodgers. Jerome Simpson is OK, but he won’t make anyone in the Twin Cities think he’s the next Cris Carter. Or Randy Moss. Or Anthony Carter. The Vikings are so desperate at receiver, they’re trying former quarterback Joe Webb as a wideout. Granted, Webb couldn’t throw a football, so maybe he can catch one. The defense is OK, but getting old. How long can Jared Allen, Kevin Williams and Chad Greenway last before their aging bodies finally give way? The Vikings were very lucky to make the playoffs last season. Don’t expect a repeat in 2013.

You can follow me on Twitter @jstar1973

NFL Free Agent Extravaganza (In GIFs!)

Over the next couple days, the NFL will go bananas. Hundreds of players will be signed. Even more will get cut. And like every year, teams will sign players to REALLY bad contracts. Like any sport, the NFL is about money. Free Agency isn’t about outbidding other teams to scoop up the best players. It’s about finding bargains. The value that a guy brings to your team should always be equal or greater to what you’re paying him. For instance, JaMarcus Russell sucks. But I’d sign him in a second if he was willing to accept a one year, $200 stipend. (Which the NFL might allow since, you know, JaMarcus Russell) It’s all about value.

So let’s dive into it. Who’s signing who? Who’s been cut? Who’s been traded? And most importantly, what GIF will I use to describe the biggest transactions? Find out here!

I originally wanted to do this all in one page but ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat. So I’ll be posting each story individually as I go along.

Vikings trade Percy Harvin to the Seahawks for draft picks

Ravens Trade Anquan Boldin to the 49ers

Detroit Lions Sign Reggie Bush

Cleveland Browns Sign Paul Kruger

Denver Broncos Sign Wes Welker

Chicago Bears Sign Martellus Bennett and Jermon Bushrod 

Miami Dolphins Sign Mike Wallace 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sign Deshon Goldson 

New England Patriots Sign Danny Amendola 

Update 3/14:

Matt Cassel, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Kevin Kolb Get Cut 

Atlanta Falcons Sign Steven Jackson 

Update 3/16:

Minnesota Vikings Sign Greg Jennings

Update 3/18:

St. Louis Rams Sign Jake Long

I will update this page with each new big-name free agent signing. Check back later!

Continue to Coach’s Rant for all the free agent coverage ->>

SBM Exclusive Feature: Sports Dopplegangers, Volume 4

If Detroit Lions defensive lineman Nick Fairley ever wants to know exactly what he’s going to look like in 20 years, all he needs to do is look at clownish 80’s rapper Biz Markie.