Tag Archives: Green Bay Packers

What We Learned From Week 17 of the 2013 NFL Season: The Play-Off Preview Edition

sbm-nfl-crystal-ball

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we promised in last week’s What We Learned piece, it is time for us here at Sports Blog Movement to breakdown this play-off season, because like we always say, there’s a ton of stuff you need to know that the usual suspects in the sports media will miss while they are busy lapping Peyton Manning’s spooge off a locker-room floor. Having said that, let’s break this down by conference.

AFC:

The Actual Conference Play-Off Power Rankings:

This has nothing to do with the seeding of the tournament; this has everything to do with who is playing the best football right now.

Continue reading

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Humor, Sports

Rodgers’ Understudies Have Been Viewing Glory

scotttolzienBefore today is out, we may know for sure whether Aaron Rodgers will return from his collarbone injury this Sunday against the Falcons. While I’m a Rodgers fan myself, I hold the view that Green Bay games started by the three different Packers backups have been exponentially more entertaining.

For one, I had no idea Seneca Wallace was still playing. And sadly, as quick as you can say “Check it out dude, Seneca Wallace is starting for the Packers,” it was all over. The quarterback suffered a season-ending groin injury on November 10, his first start since 2010. The injury occurred on Green Bay’s first offensive possession. He threw just five passes. Hopefully Wallace can get work next year we’re rooting for him.

So the Packers needed a quarterback. They turned to the most efficient passer in Wisconsin history, Scott Tolzien. A week prior to his debut against the Eagles, Tolzien was on the Packers’ practice squad, having never thrown a single NFL pass. In parts of three games, Tolzien threw just one touchdown and five interceptions, before getting the hook against the Vikings. The Pack replaced Tolzien with the newly-reacquired superstar backup Matt Flynn.

Flynn has been the starter since Tolzien was pulled against the Vikings. In that game Flynn led a late comeback that resulted in the first NFL tie since last year. In his only start, Flynn put America to sleep on Thanksgiving afternoon, with a dreadful 10-20, 3 turnover performance. He was sacked by the Lions 7 times in the 41-10 rout.

Suffices to say, the Pack need Rodgers back if they want to save their season. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’d really rather see the Green Bay situation continue to break down, and the Packers bring in two or three more starters! What’s Byron Leftwich up to? Charlie Batch perhaps? I bet David Carr has some football left in him. Packer fans want Rodgers back, but I wanna see more Green Bay quarterbacks!

1 Comment

Filed under Humor, Sports

What We Learned From Week 11 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

Up until now, we’ve been consulting our medical expert Dr. Kelly Brackett for his prognoses on NFL teams. But now that we are clearly in the homestretch, it’s time to shift our focus from the survivors and the casualties to an analysis of the survival of the fittest. That means we change our expert as well; rather than looking for overall health, this becomes an exercise in actuarials…or to make it sound less insurance-like..it’s time to look at the odds of each possible contender making the play-offs.  For that, we have invited legendary movie odds-maker Sam “Ace” Rothstein for his thoughts.

sam rothstein

AFC:

1) Indianapolis Colts (7-3)

Remaining Games:

  • @Arizona
  • Tennessee
  • @Cincinnati
  • Houston
  • @Kansas City
  • Jacksonville

Odds of Making Play-offs:

Metaphysical certainty. Steal as much money as you can get your hands on, then bet twice that much that Indianapolis will be in the play-offs.

Key Facts:

With six games to go, the Colts have a three-game lead in the AFC South over their closest competitor, and they just beat them on the road with a dramatic comeback victory.The Colts will make the playoffs because no one else in the AFC South will step up and challenge them.  The Titans are in second place, and the other two teams might as well be Terri Schiavo two days after they yanked her feeding tube.  They’ve already beaten Seattle, San Francisco, and the Broncos, and by the time they get to the Kansas City Chiefs, both teams could be just resting up for January.

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Humor, Sports

Matt Flynn to Become Backup for Third Team in Two Months

Flynn, shown the last time he was a starter.

Originally posted at the  Obscure Athletes Blog

Matt Flynn is back! And the 28-year-old former future NFL starter is returning to where it all started, rejoining the Packers, who drafted Flynn out of LSU in 2008. Flynn showed promise as a young backup in Green Bay, and ultimately saw game action late in the 2010 and 2011 seasons.

But nothing went right for Matt Flynn after he left the Pack– that is, except for the fat paycheck bestowed upon him by the Seattle Seahawks. After that ’11 season, Flynn signed a three-year, $20.5 million deal with Seattle, of which 9 million was guaranteed. It was simply assumed that Flynn would earn the starting job, but the would-be NFL Rookie of the Year, Russell Wilson, won the starting spot out of camp. He threw just nine career passes for the Seahawks, and was released after 2012.

Flynn was brought to Oakland in the offseason, again with the implication he would be the starter. And again Flynn whiffed, and was relegated to backup duty, this time to Terrell Pryor. Matt Flynn was released after appearing in two games for the Raiders, starting one. He hooked on with the Bills, where he backed up all of EJ Manuel, Thad Lewis, and Jeff Tuel, never throwing a pass as a Bill.

Buffalo released Flynn on November 4, and now with the injuries to Rodgers and Seneca Wallace in Green Bay, he makes his grand return to the Pack. This time he’ll be backing up Scott Tolzien. Will Matt Flynn EVER get a chance to be a starter in the NFL? The planets simply will not align for the dude.

2 Comments

Filed under Sports

What We Learned From Week 9 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we usually say, another week has passed in the sportsgasm that is the NFL season, but this week is a bit different, because J-Dub walked out of SBM World Headquarters after Richie Incognito called him some sort of terrible name. On a serious note, be sure to check out Meehan’s coverage of that story…

Now, let’s get to the important points from Week 9.

1) Your Official Dr. Kelly Brackett NFL Death Watch: Teams Dropped To The Critical List

dr brackett ekg machine

Baltimore Ravens: 

Because football straddles it regular season and it’s play-off season across the New Yea’s holiday, the Ravens started 2013 as an elite team.  They sure as fuck aren’t elite now, and they don’t deserve to be thought of in that light at all.  The Ravens are getting juked out of their shoes on almost every single goddamn play and there’s no way an honest eye can look at them as being a playoff team in the AFC.  They probably couldn’t even beat an NFC East team, which really just makes them the top-shelf, Wal-Mart version of the San Diego Chargers. Speaking of which…

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Sports

What We Learned From Week 8 of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Meehan

tetherball head

Yet another week has passed in the sportsgasm that is the NFL season, and that means it is time for us to tell you some things you need to know without the self-serving spin those assbags at ESPN will never give you. We know this because if you think you can get real football information from concussion poster children like Merrill Hoge, you probably also didn’t know that tetherball originated as  ninth-century Tatar war ritual that involved chopping off the head of your dead enemy, tying it to a pole, and beating the shit out of it.

Think about that the next time you drive by an elementary school. Now let’s learn something about this week in the NFL. 

1) Your Official Dr. Kelly Brackett NFL Death Watch:

dr brackett ekg machine

Philadelphia Eagles

  • Cause of Death: Vick-Barkley Syndrome
  • Autopsy Report with Bonus Comment:  For the record, Meehan accurately projected how the Eagles would start this game.  Ah yes…here it is…

“But after all that, really – it’s a 60% capacity Michael Vick versus Eli.  And after Vick leaves the game because he aggravates that hamstring yet again, it’ll be Matt Barkley in his place.”

Continue reading

5 Comments

Filed under Sports

What We Learned From Week One of the 2013 NFL Season

By J-Dub and Ryan Meehan

Without any further fanfare, let’s just get to the stuff week one of the NFL season showed us.

1) Peyton Manning’s performance hid the fact the Broncos’ defense sucks.

If Thursday night taught us anything, it’s that the Broncos are indeed going to struggle on the defensive side of the ball.  By “struggle,” we’re talking something akin to a turtle on its back getting gang-raped by a group of Hell’s Angels all to an all Kenny G soundtrack. If you consider all of the mistakes that Baltimore made offensively, the fact that Denver gave up 27 points is pretty pathetic.  Ray Rice is a pretty solid “yards after contact” guy, but against the Ponies defense, he got more second chances than Robert Downey Jr.

Not to mention, we aren’t even counting the mistake made on the interception return that by all that is right in the football universe should have resulted in yet another Broncos’ touchdown. This is where Danny Trevathan had a “Honey Badger meets DeSean Jackson” level brain-fart. After making the pick, and cruising to what should have been the “pick-six” part of this, he inexplicably released the ball before he crossed the goal line in a momentary lapse of judgment reminiscent of a young DeSean Jackson.  As you would hope, Denver defensive coordinator Jack Del Rio ripped Trevathan’s ass open like he was Edward Norton in the prison shower scene in American History X, because Denver can’t expect Grandpa Manning to chuck 7 touchdowns every week.   

Besides, expecting Fetushead Manning to bail you out on a weekly basis is a reasonably solid plan in the regular season, it’s going to kill Denver in the play-offs.  Given the past history, Manning will get you a shit-load of wins between September and  December, but in January he becomes as dependable as a nine dollar cell phone. The problem is that after Thursday, Bronco Nation is “all in” on that phone you wouldn’t trust your grandmother’s life with; they now expect that every time the elder Manning brother steps onto the field, he is going to throw more successful scoring passes than a 1970’s Warren Beatty with a sugar bowl full of coke.  This will prove to be like expecting Wendy’s employee to give a lecture on nuclear fission in between the time it takes after you’ve consumed an entire a double Baconator combo meal with extra cheese and mayonnaise and when you regain consciousness staring up at the paramedics.

peyton manning nazi

A championship-level NFL defense is supposed to dominate opposing offenses like the Red Army rolled through Prague in 1968.  Without Von Miller until week 7, and with no real replacement for Elvis Dumervil, the Bronco idea of defense is a bit like Saddam Hussein promising the “Mother of all Battles” while rolling out to meet the U.S. Marine Corps with a half-dozen Buick LeSabres.  To keep the military analogies going, the Ravens played the role of France as they let der grüppenfuhrer  Manning goose-step down the Champs-Elyseés while they were busy worrying about how to properly stomp the wine grapes.

But not everybody is going to lay down for the Blitzkrieg like Baltimore did.  To win in January, eventually this Bronco defense is going to have to show it can stop somebody.

Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under Sports