Throughout the length and breadth of this NBA season, all we heard about was this vaunted race between the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers for the coveted #1 seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs. For 62 games, the Pacers looked like a championship team waiting to happen. The Pacers were 18-2 in their first 20 games, which included wins over play-off teams such as the Chicago, bulls, Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers, and the West’s #1 seed, the San Antonio Spurs. The Circle City Five reached the 62-game mark sporting a 46-16 mark, which was good to keep them 3 games ahead of the Heat.
But then the wheels came off. Over the last 20 games of the regular season, the Pacers limped to a 10-10 mark, including a 36-point ass-hammering by the Spurs, and a 20-point manhandling at the hands of the very same Atlanta Hawks who look to be taking command of their first-round series with Indiana.
So, what the hell happened? You can get as many different answers to that question as people you ask. So, I’ve taken it upon myself to offer something you won’t get anywhere else on the web: A Doppelganger-based explanation as to what is wrong with the Indiana Pacers.
1) Luis has been a “Firework”
While there are several theories as to who isn’t performing, you can’t apply any of them to Luis Scola. Unfortunately, you can’t say the same for his doppelganger, Russell Brand. That’s because nobody has given a shit about Brand since he stopped sticking his “firework” into Katy Perry.
2) The Disappearance of “P-Mac” George
I’m not sure why it took until now for me to realize the resemblance between the Pacers’ Paul George and Tracy McGrady, unless it because George lately has been playing like T-Mac, and not the NBA All-Star McGrady was in days gone by. Paul George has been basketball playing more like today’s T-Mac, who is now pitching for the Sugar Land Skeeters in the independent Atlantic League.
3) The Island of Dr. Hibbert
Say what you will, but at some point in the last month, Roy Hibbert went from a potential All-Star center to the chuckling Cosby-esque Dr. Julius Hibbert from The Simpsons, except the doctor never got stuffed twice in one game by Kyle fucking Korver.
4) You Can’t Spell “DissaPPointment” without “P”
Face it, the letter “P” doesn’t bode well for championship hopes. The last time the Pacers won a league title was in 1973 when they topped the now-defunct American Basketball Association. 60 miles to the northwest of Indianapolis lies Purdue University, which despite having won more B1G Ten titles than any other school has yet to win a national championship. Then there’s the Pittsburgh Pirates, who since their last World Series win 35 years ago have only managed four first-round play-off losses.