What We Learned From Week 14 of the 2013 NFL Season – The “Truth Or Lies” Edition, Part II

truth

By J-Dub and Meehan

As we have been doing all season, we are breaking down things that you need to know as we head into the play-offs. As we get closer, that means that issues with team get more magnified. That also means that a lot of assumptions that have been held about the teams who are still play-off contenders become true or get exposed as just another pack of lies. So, without any further adieu, here are this week’s questions…

1) Truth or Lie: Nick Foles is the real deal

nick foles

We Say: Truth

We can’t possibly think this could be any funnier. We realize that what Michael Vick did to those poor animals can never be reversed. His unspeakably cruelty will never be forgotten, but it’s  hilarious how his story will end.   Normally, people who do shit like Vick have their careers ended by it. But, it; is now pretty clear that Vick will have as much of a role in Philadelphia’s future as J-Dub will in the Catholic Church (although Pope Dubs the First has a pretty fucking awesome ring to it).  He has no role whatsoever in Philly’s future, and he is going to end up having lost his job to a stupid looking white kid. That stupid looking white kid has turned out to be awfully good, and that’s his team now. It’s going to be a race to the finish in the East, and if Tony Romo gets outdueled by this kid in week 17, then there’s a new sheriff in town.

You Say:

2) Truth or Lie: Gary Kubiak deserved to get fired

Kubiak pointing the way to the unemployment office.

Kubiak pointing the way to the unemployment office.

Meehan Says: Truth

There’s absolutely no question in my mind.  Haven’t they lost like 75 games in a row? No…well, it fucking seems like it.  Anytime you do that when you’re coaching a team that had Super Bowl aspirations you’re going to get canned.

J-Dub Says: Lie

I say “lie” only because of the timing of the question. If we were discussing this matter three years ago, then I say “truth.” But since then, the Texans made Kubiak “their guy,” and he did everything they expected, except get this team to the Super Bowl this season.  But there’s so much that happened that isn’t Kubiak’s fault.  Kubiak had this team winning 13 games just last season, despite some of the seriously-ham-brained player personnel decisions.  Kubiak wasn’t the guy who decided Matt Fucking Schaub was the future when they had plenty of chances to change that. T. J. Yates?! Really? That’s just an example, but the point is this train left the tracks not because of one cow on the tracks.  The engineer was piss-drunk at the controls, the brakeman was beating off to an old copy of “Hustler,” and the conductor was busy converting to Buddhism all while the boiler exploded, the wheels shattered, and somebody leaked a rumor that Pauly Shore was attempting  comeback.

You Say:

3) Truth or Lie: Greg Schiano has saved his job

greg schiano

We Say: Who Knows?

Granted, this team has ripped off 4 wins in its’ last five games, and they look like they may have found a quarterback of the future if they can put an offense around him. What can this team do with a fresh start next season, an offense capable of scoring more than 9 points per game, and a defense that could easily be one of the best in the NFL? More importantly, is Greg Schiano the guy to get all that done?

You Say:

4) Truth or Lie: If it hadn’t been for injuries, the Cleveland Browns could have been a playoff team

Dion Lewis injury

We Say: Truth

Don’t forget which division they are in. We can look at the Browns and although they lack  depth, for some reason they are very believable. They unloaded Trent Richardson, which ended up being the deal of the year. Don’t forget they won three in a row after the Trent Richardson trade and with Brian Hoyer as their quarterback. Moreover, don’t forget which conference they are in. Until further notice, 8 wins is all it will take to make the AFC Playoffs, and in certain cases it may only take 7.  They already are a four-win team, and that’s with as many gaping holes as they have due to injury. The bottom line is that the Browns are nowhere near being an NFL dynasty, but that isn’t  requirement.  As shitty as the AFC is top to bottom, the cast of “Dynasty” could scrape together 7 wins.

You Say:

5) Truth or Lie: If the season ended today, Tom Brady would be the MVP

tom brady vs browns

Meehan Says: Truth

Stats can’t always measure “clutch,”  which is exactly what that guy is. He’s the very definition of the term.  Since Peyton Manning is putting up all of his gaudy numbers against CFL-level talent, you could make the argument that his stats are more padded than the bra your date wore to your junior high prom. When I think of all that Tom Brady has done after losing one of his star tight ends to a homicide trial, not being able to rely on the other one to stay healthy, and having a receiver corps comprised largely of lunchmeat.  I saw the way he led that comeback in the Denver game; that’s the MVP and that’s the end of the discussion.

J-Dub Says: Lie

Meehan’s arguably is valid, completely correct, and an absolute fucking pipe dream. Face it, the NFL is now a league about bullshit statistics compile against bullshit oppositions. Peyton Manning will be the MVP.

You Say:

6) Truth or Lie: The Minnesota Vikings are much better than their record 

viking fudd helmet

Meehan Says: Truth

They have lost more close games this year than anyone else in the league, and they have a tie at the end of their record. They still have the best running back in the game and now that they have finally came to terms with the fact that Christian Ponder is a complete window-licker (a conclusion that should have been drawn a while ago), I can honestly say they are a couple of basic adjustments away from being a contender again. They’ve got a new stadium on the way, and a very talented group of guys.

J-Dub Says: Lie

For some reason, the Minnesota Vikings are America’s “wanna-be” team.  Everybody wants them to be better than they are. Nobody seems to want to deal with the truth about this team.  They have no offensive line, no quarterback, and they can’t get the best running back in a generation to be little more than Uncle Elmer’s plow horse.  Worse yet, they’ve got a front office which keeps making decisions that ensure they will stay mediocre. What the fuck were they trying to prove with the Josh Freeman signing? Speaking of the quarterback situation, it’s really easy to bag on Christian Ponder, but everybody forgets this is the same guy who came up HUGE for the Vikings in their four-game play-off run at the end of last season. sure, quarterback get too much credit, and take too much blame, but Ponder sure as shit isn’t the only problem that team has.

You Say:

7) Truth or Lie: The fact that the Seahawks don’t play well on the road will come back to haunt them

Luckily, none of the Seahawks' road games will take them to Iraq.

Luckily, none of the Seahawks’ road games will take them to Iraq.

We Say: Lie

They are going to end up playing every game in the postseason prior to the Super Bowl. Why is everybody concerned about their failure to perform on the road. They only have one road game that matters from here on out, and that’s for the most coveted football prize of all. They’re going to be just fine as long as they don’t commit some of the same stupid penalties that they did on Sunday.

You Say:

8 ) Truth or Lie:  The Dallas Cowboys are headed for another late-season collapse

ROMO

We Say: Truth

The biggest fact that needs to be pointed out here is that if we’re going to give Peyton Manning endless amounts of shit for his “failure to perform in cold temperatures,” then to be fair, we need to o the same thing for the Tony Romo project.  Why isn’t he getting the same treatment? Because he’s fucked better looking chicks than Peytom Manning has? Is this really all about some sportswriter somewhere would rather rub one out over Carrie Underwood than Kenny Chesney? What the fuck ever…

Speaking of sports writers, the fish wrap known as  Sports Illustrated puked out an issue a while back that stated on the front cover that “America’s Whipping Boy Deserves Your Respect.”  Not only did that make hardcore guys like us hate him even more, but it made us beg the question: Why? What the fuck has Tony Romo ever done on the football field to earn anybody’s respect? Sure, he can stand in the pocket and take hits better than a Cuban welterweight, but other than that, all we ever hear about is how he has yet to “show his full potential.” Well, he’s going to be thirty four years old next year, so how much longer does he get the pass usually reserved for guys a whole decade younger?

Year after year, with Romo it just never seems to be the year the Cowboys are waiting for. This is shaping up to just another for the Cowboys.  The Giants and the Redskins have already bit it, so Dallas should have a clear shot to the playoffs, right?  Wrong.  Philadelphia is on a tear right now and the Eagles are better than Dallas at nearly every position.  Not to mention, with play-off spots on the line, the Cowboys slipped into the usual December mode last night by showing a complete inability to stop future Hall-of-Famer Christmas-tree toy train Josh McCown.  That shouldn’t surprise anybody because without Sean Lee, the Cowboys couldn’t grab a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

Having said that, it is time to call a spade a spade:  The Dallas Cowboys can’t win in December.  This is yet another result of playing in a spaceship-style domed stadium with climate control.  Eventually, you have to go on the road and win someplace where the weather could freeze the nuts off a polar bear (like Chicago last night). Romo and the Cowboys simply can’t do that; it’s a tough trick to win when you can’t muster any sort of a passing game and you couldn’t tackle a box stuffed with packing peanuts.  Don’t get us wrong, it’s all fine for us.  It’s not like we want to see the Cowboys in the playoffs…Do you?

You Say:

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4 Comments

Filed under Humor, Sports

4 responses to “What We Learned From Week 14 of the 2013 NFL Season – The “Truth Or Lies” Edition, Part II

  1. I think Schiano has saved his gig and Kubiak did deserve to get fired, although did I sense a soft spot for the Dubber? Say it ain’t so! I thought he reveled in the misery of others.

    Before we laugh at the end of Vick’s career, let us not forget he’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

    And my MVP vote goes to Peyton as well, however, I’d give a second place vote to Russell Wilson over Tom Brady.

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