(Editor’s note:  This is part one of a two part story as compiled on Sunday, November 3rd, 2013.  Breaking news that has changed this story has just been released.  We’re going to go ahead and run what we have here, and then do a follow up that will run on SBM the morning of Wednesday, December 6th.)

A very bizarre story involving two Miami Dolphins linemen has come to the forefront this week.  The players involved were right tackle Jonathan Martin and guard Richie Incognito.  The alleged misbehavior revolves around a certain event in particular…

Sources told ESPN that one of the significant allegations being reviewed is that Incognito got Martin to contribute $15,000 to help finance a trip to Las Vegas by some Dolphins last summer, even though Martin preferred not to travel with the group. 

While ESPN is still the worldwide leader in blowing things way out of proportion, they’ve also been on this story for almost a week and it looks like for once they may have nailed it. 

I would consider my whole take on bullying to be that it is of concern due to the recent spike in suicides we’ve seen because of online bullying as of late.  However, this isn’t about bullying.  Bullying is just a buzzword that people will use as a tag so they can get more hits.  I’m about to do the same thing as well, but like I said I have a different theory…

Maybe Richie Incognito is just an asshole.

Chris Rock used to have this bit where he talked about how the blame for school shootings was misguided as video games and heavy metal music were the culprits.  Rock’s take was “Whatever happened to ‘just being crazy’?  You can’t be ‘crazy’ anymore”?  And that’s exactly how I feel about Richie Incognito at the moment.  He’s probably just a dick.

Being a dick is different than bullying.  I don’t give a shit how much money these guys have, if anybody at any job I’ve ever had tried to fuck me out of fifteen thousand dollars everyone that had ever met me would know about it.  (And if you call that “tattling:, I’d like to see how you’d make that decision if it happened to you.  You’d think hard about the money involved…”)  I don’t know exactly what happened in this case, but it’s not that hard to jump to conclusions regarding the timeline of events.

This is what I do know:  Incognito was on a six player “leadership council” with five other members of the Miami Dolphins.  This means he was in a position of somewhat of a mentor when it came to handling younger players like Martin.  Apparently from everything we know at the moment, Martin had no intentions of going on that trip.  He should have never forked over a single dime for it.  (Speaking of which – wouldn’t the first question there be:  “Why doesn’t the team pay for it?”)  And if the answer is “Well that’s because the team doesn’t want us to go”, then shouldn’t the right answer be “Well then I don’t want to go…”

This is another thing I know – he’s been suspended from the team.  That’s not an easy thing to do when you consider the rights that the Association fights for them so desperately to have in these situations.  If he’s been suspended, he sure as hell did something wrong and right now they’re just hammering out the details.

In addition to having a drastically over-inflated ego, he also has a very large Wikipedia page – usually never a good thing if you’re an offensive lineman.  Here are some of the fun things I learned on that URL…

  • Incognito has garnered attention over the years for perceived dirty play amongst NFL players, coaches, and fans. Some things attributed to him include gouging player’s eyes, punching players, and making illegal tackles on a regular basis
  • The current investigation looks serious, because Incognito is alleged to have sent Martin threatening and racially charged messages.
  • In four years with the Rams from 2006 to 2009, Incognito drew 38 penalties, including seven unnecessary roughness calls, more than any other player during that span

Look, he’s an overweight white dude that just LOOKS like one of the jock pricks from every eighties movie.  He has those repulsive tribal arm tattoos, the kind that you know he just shows up at the shop and picks out of a design book.  He’s probably the kind of guy that would drag race you at a stoplight even though he knows you drive a Ford Focus, just to get that extra bit of testosterone stain on his jean shorts.

So I guess what I’m saying here is that – Incognito is just an asshole.  He fits all of the descriptions of being an asshole, and has likely gotten to where he’s at today by shaking around some of that asshole swagger.

I am very interested to see how this pans out – Will the NFL use the “bully” card?  Or will they investigate it solely based on things that are strictly prohibited in the rule book?

There is a certain amount of macho posturing that will always exist in football locker rooms, but this is looking much worse.  I’ve always thought the rookie pranks were very childish and hazing in general is one of the most counterproductive things that a professional sports team can do.

As stated earlier, news on this just broke and we’ll be back here in a couple of days to analyze the second half of the story.


1 Comment

Filed under Sports


  1. Can you say league-ordered anger management or sensitivity training classes? I knew that you could.

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