SBM Exclusive: Conversations Not Meant To Be Public – Ben Roethlisberger and Todd Haley


by J-Dub and Meehan

There’s an old saying in sports that winning cures everything. Naturally, the opposite of that is what losing does. One thing we know for sure  is that losing strains the relationships between players and coaches, and given the steaming pile of infected monkey shit the Steelers’ season has become, we are amazed knife fights aren’t a daily occurrence in the Pittsburgh locker room.  One of the things leading us to that belief is this text thread between Steeler quarterback Ben Roethislberger and offensive coordinator Todd Haley our crack research staff here at Sports Blog Movement intercepted* yesterday. We offer this completely without comment as an indicator how things are really going in the Steel City.

*Legal Disclaimer – J-Dub and Meehan have a strange way of defining certain terms. This statement could only be seen as factually correct if you took the word “intercepted” to mean “completely fucking fabricated by these two jamokes during yet another of their late-night cheap wine and Xanax festivals.” But you have to admit, these guys probably aren’t far from the truth…

BR:  Looking forward to putting our differences aside and getting a win this Sunday @NYJets

TH:  We got this one.

BR:  Feeling good about this game.  C U at the practice field.

TH:  Don’t forget what I told you about getting rid of the ball faster.  I don’t want to see you in a body cast.

BR:  LOL.  I’m the most well-built quarterback in the NFL.  I think I can handle it LMAO.

TH:  For real. U R handling us all the way to 0-5. Get rid of the fucking ball. 

BR:  Whatever.  I got this. Might help if you gave us a running back or an O line.

TH: Just don’t ride your motorcycle and we’ll be fine.

BR:  Fuck you, Raisin Sac. How many Super Bowl rings you got?

TH: I’ve got as many as you deserve, asswipe.

BR:  WTF is that supposed to mean?  

TH:  SB 40 – You beat the Seahawks. 1 of worst SB teams ever. Might as well have been high school JV team. U had 22.6 QB rating, Dead guys beating off do better.   

BR:  Yeah, but I still won.

TH:  Not done yet.  SB 43.  The whole world knows Santonio Holmes saved your sorry ass.

BR:  Thanks for the support, Coach.  It’s nice to know you’re there to boost my ego from time to time.

TH:  Listen asshole – your ego doesn’t need any boosting and that’s the problem here.  U seem 2 think U R the only reason this team won and that’s bullshit. 

BR: Keep talking bitch. I still have two and you got shit.

TH:  Do you mean rings or rape arrests? 😀  

BR:  That’s not funny, dickhead. 

TH: Sure it is. Don’t you have to go help your wife with her Elmo coloring book soon?

BR:  Instead of insulting me why don’t you get your punk ass on the phone and find another running back? 

TH: C’mon Big Ben. I just want 2 know what a night at the Rapelisberger house is like.

BR: Why don’t you ask your mom?

TH: Fuck…you throw insults as well as you throw footballs now.

BR: That’s big talk from a guy whose breath still smells like Matt Cassel’s cock.

TH: That’s better. Now if you could just learn to read man coverage. Maybe you could start with your wife’s coloring books.

BR: Like it’s my fault your offense sucks.

TH: Goddamn right its your fault. Every time you stuff your dick into some cheerleader on spring break costs us a boatload of cash.

TH: You think we wanted Isaac Redman? He’s what we could afford after paying your lawyers.

BR: Too bad we aren’t paying for an offensive coordinator.

TH: Bwah. I’m not the one they are trying to ship out of town.

BR:  WTF?  Do you know something I don’t know?

TH: Kids on the short bus know shit you don’t.

BR: No shit now. I don’t want to leave Pittsburgh. What’s happening?

TH:  As soon as the front office can convince some franchise to purchase the remainder of your ridiculous contract, you’re so gone.

BR: No way that’s true. I’m calling Coach Tomlin.

TH: Go right ahead. You don’t even know he blocked your number after the Bears game, do you?

BR: Bullshit.

TH: You don’t even know we all call you “White JaMarcus” behind your back?

BR: That’s bullshit.  I don’t buy that for a second.

TH: Believe what you want. Got through to Tomlin yet?

The thread ends at this point because our sources tell us Todd Haley’s pre-paid TracFone ran out of minutes.


Filed under Sports

3 responses to “SBM Exclusive: Conversations Not Meant To Be Public – Ben Roethlisberger and Todd Haley

  1. Thanks to you guys and this piece, and far less likely their 0-5 start, the poor Steelers aren’t allowed to play any more video games in the locker room.

    Way to crack the whip, Tomlin.

    For the record, what the hell are 300 lb linemen doing playing Candy Crush anyway?

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