WHAT WE LEARNED FROM NFL PRESEASON WEEK THREE (PART TWO)

by Ryan Meehan

In the second part of our look at week three, we take what we picked up from a very busy Saturday and thin Sunday night in the NFL and tell you what I think we may have learned in the tail end of the third week.

1.  Mark Sanchez’ shoulder injury might be the best thing that could have happened to the Jets

Obviously if you’ve read anything Dubs or I have written over the past few years, you’ll know two things:  1) Just like Jell-O, there’s always room for abortion jokes, and 2) Mark Sanchez esta no bueno y mas overrattado.  (I may have made that last word up)  I know how we’re all supposed to say you never want to see a guy get hurt and that’s great and everything, but let’s be honest sometimes after the money’s spent you’re looking for an out and this very well may be it.

That being said, it probably isn’t going to be that serious but it might be a blessing in disguise in the sense that it may knock some sense into the Jets organization. 

2.  That being said, the other guy didn’t look very good either

Probably the weirdest thing about the whole Jets quarterback situation on Saturday night was the Geno Smith actually started.  In my last piece, I outlined how Ron Jaworski can eat a dick.  It’s very possibly that Ron was teaching a course in how to eat one and Geno graduated with high honors.  He threw three picks – one of them was sort of a tip drill type pick so he wasn’t really to blame, but the other two were a pubic hair short of inexcusable for a guy trying to win the starting job.  It was so bad that the Jets put in Chris Simms, and that joke writes itself.

Sanchez will have the job if he’s healthy, but even if he is he’s just going to get hit again and fall apart so we better all get familiar with Geno.

3.  They charged money for a game that didn’t count between the Buffalo Bills and the Washington Redskins where Robert Griffin didn’t play

Buffalo Bills starting quarterback Jeff Tuel, which is pronounced “Tool”, and may leading to a lot of very predictable jokes from other websites in the very near future

This is particularly important to note because it happened on a day where CJ Spiller’s step-grandfather was identified as the shooter in some spree where more than one person ended up dead.  They named some dude that I had never even heard of their starter and I’m still not even sure that I care.  With all that is going on around any team in the NFL that’s not in the AFC South this year, the Bills are right up there on the “you shouldn’t be concerned list”.  Enough already.

To top it all off, the NFL tried to make this game more interesting by fining Robert Griffin for wearing a shirt encouraging himself to be patient.  Some of this shit just blows my mind.

4.  Colin Kaepernick can not get hurt

It’s going to take a lot more than those supplements to be someone other than Colt McCoy

Though I was singing the mighty praises of the Niners just a couple of days ago, but if he gets hurt Colt McCoy, BJ Daniels and Seneca Wallace have to somehow lead this team forward.  That’s like if you were promoting a rap show and the stage manager walked up to you and said “Eminem is sick, but don’t worry we have Toby Keith’s younger brother and MC Hammer to take their place…”

San Francisco is deep, and they WILL be deep.  But pass protection is probably the most important thing for them, as they miss one block and Kap could be out cold.  He’s in amazing shape, but during this game they had an NFL officiating expert on at halftime explaining that as soon as any QB makes the kind of play action fake that he does he’s available to be hit as hard as he can and it’s legal so long as it’s not helmet to helmet.  That’s a huge responsibility for someone that young to be putting on themselves, but I suppose if anybody can do it it’s him.  But if he DOES go down, that’s going to be really interesting to watch.

5.  Braylon Edwards probably deserved to get cut

Braylon Edwards is the definition of what it means to have to hire a publicist

Edwards has had problems taking orders from almost everyone he’s played for, so this makes sense but it still makes me shirk a little bit.  This guy was a college player amongst the likes of the best, and he’s been a huge NFL bust.  He’s got the size, the skills, and what I would assume to be the know how to make all of this happen, and yet now he’s unemployed again.  I have to figure that there are teams out there that could use him, but why bother?  If even a quarter of the teams in the NFL could use him and he keeps on getting passed around like a poorly rolled joint, why would anybody sign him?  My guess would be that he should be brushing up on his French because the CFL is likely where he’ll end up.

6.  Fantasy Football will never be my thing

But if you think that’s going to stop me from plugging an old interview, you have learned nothing in the time I’ve been here at SBM

I had Sportscenter on last night and they were doing a fantasy football preview, where they had their resident fantasy football stroke talking about how Adrian Peterson is the number one fantasy player.  Then that same dude began talking about who might occupy that second spot, and he said not to pick Arian Foster (and that he was a “red flag”) because his average yards per carry had gone down to what still amounted to above four yards per carry.

When I hear things like this, I automatically tune out.  It’s a pussy move at worst and a defense mechanism at best (speaking of which, you should really look into starting mechanism week two, I’ll have the highest number of sacks…) but I just can’t understand how any stat will ever be more important than winning.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why fantasy football is popular and if you’re reading this I am in no way insulting how you spend your free time.  Also, it’s attracted a whole new legion of fans to the sport and that’s awesome.  I’m just saying that I don’t think that you’ll ever see “Ravenation837” as a team name in any fantasy football league anytime soon, unless there’s a gay dude who was born on August 37th who loves house music who can’t get enough of spending his Sundays on the couch watching Jim Nantz and Phil Simms call the Colts-Titans game.

(By the way, don’t forget to check out the interview I did a couple years back with comedian Paul Scheer of “The League”, an FX show about a fantasy football league here – http://firstorderhistorians.com/2011/11/21/5-questions-with-paul-scheer/)

7.  Games like the New Orleans Saints – Houston Texans matchup makes me wish these games were real

In the end, I felt a little cheated by something that I knew was going to leave me feeling that way to begin with.  I’d LOVE to see a regular season game between two teams like this…and what makes matters even worse is that this game doesn’t happen in the regular season.  Sometimes with the interconference stuff you see a matchup in the preseason and you go “Awww…goddammit…” but then they happen to meet in the regular season and everything is okay again.

This isn’t the case, so that’s why I’m ending with this point.  We long for the unstoppable force versus the immovable object games, and when whoever wins that struggle DOESN’T matter it’s a lot to take in.  Or in this case, a lot to take in for a quarter and a half.

Summary

There will be no week four preseason summary because as we all know watching game four of the preseason is like showing up to a heroin recovery center that just ran out of methadone –  It’s a bleak scene.  During the Niners-Vikings game I found out that Kyle Rudolph from the Minnesota Vikings won the 2013 Pro Bowl MVP.  I shouldn’t know shit like that.  So as corny as it may sound, here’s to knowing that in just a week and a half we’ll have some real football.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “WHAT WE LEARNED FROM NFL PRESEASON WEEK THREE (PART TWO)

  1. Was that Braylon Edwards or Kimbo Slice?

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