New Rules Part 6

New Rules Photo

The sports landscape is ever-changing. From suspensions in baseball to injuries in NFL training camps to offseason hockey moves to the usual basketball drama, it seems everything is in a state of flux. It has been a while since I’ve done one of these but I feel now is the time. So once again, with the tip of the hat to Bill Maher, it is time for some New Rules!

New Rule:

Ryan Braun

Major League Baseball needs to stop acting so self-righteous. Yes Ryan Braun cheated. Yes Ryan Braun should be suspended. But where was this in 1998? You all knew that Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were juicing up more than Ben Johnson circa 1988, yet you were cheering their every moonshot home run like high school cheerleaders on a sugar high. So quit with this holier than thou indignation of Braun for his transgressions. All you are Major League Baseball is a hypocrite a televangelist would be proud of.

New Rule:

Von Miller

Staying with the steroid issue, if you’re that upset about Ryan Braun using steroids, than please stop watching the NFL while you’re at it. How many “hard-core” fans knew that Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller was suspended for 4 games for violating the NFL drug policy? Not many. Yet the outrage over Miller was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Maybe it is time for fans and media to go after the NFL and its players for steroid use. But that means going after the biggest sport in America with billions of dollars thrown at it for gambling purposes. So money does talk. Interesting.

New Rule:

No I won’t be joining your fantasy football league. And no, I don’t care how well your fantasy team is doing. I’m not even remotely interested in fantasy football. I watch football to see if my team wins or loses the game. And since I’m a long-suffering Detroit Lions fan, I’ve watched my team lose a helluva lot more than win. Still, I’d rather sit through the numerous painful losses that my Lions have subjected me to, than sift through a fantasy football roster.

New Rule:

Bill Wirtz was the sole reason for the Chicago Blackhawks struggles in the 1990s and early 2000s.
Bill Wirtz was the sole reason for the Chicago Blackhawks struggles in the 1990s and early 2000s.

It’s time to blame owners more often when the team struggles. I know the owners aren’t the ones on the field playing the game. But it is their money and their direction that can make or break franchises. Good owners invest in their teams to raise their competitive level. Bad owners are only in it for the glory, in which they will get none. If you don’t think ownership isn’t a huge factor in a franchise championship aspirations, I present to you the Chicago Blackhawks. When the curmudgeonly Bill Wirtz ran the team with an iron fist and a tight wallet, the Blackhawks struggled mightily and went a long 49 years without winning the Stanley Cup. Wirtz passed away in 2007, turning over the franchise to his brother Rocky. The Blackhawks fortunes turned suddenly, winning two Stanley Cups in the last four years. Trust me, good ownership is invaluable.

New Rule:

Aaron Rodgers 2

Aaron Rodgers is a douche. Yeah I said it. Recently on Twitter, Rodgers bet a fan his year’s salary that Ryan Braun was innocent of the steroid allegations. When Rodgers lost the bet, he refused to pay the bet. Now I’m not saying Rodgers should pay the fan his entire salary, but don’t make the bet in the first place. Or at least donate some of the money to charity. Rodgers ended up with egg on his face and looking like a first-class douchebag. Here’s some advice for you Aaron: Focus on beating the 49ers in Week 1 instead of making stupid bets on Twitter. Because we all remember what happened last time you made the trip to San Francisco, and it wasn’t pretty for you and your Packers.

New Rule:

Toronto Blue Jays Logo

The Toronto Blue Jays suck. Plain and simple. The Jays have no chance in hell in winning the World Series, let alone making the playoffs. It is time for the Toronto media to let go of the dream that the Jays are any good. If you really believe the Jays have a chance to make the playoffs, you also believe that Kim Kardashian is a virgin.

New Rule:

EPL Logo

The English Premier League is NOT the best soccer league on the planet. It is the best marketed soccer league on the planet as well as having the best television planet of any of the big domestic European soccer leagues, but it does not deliver the best football. Give me the Bundesliga in Germany or La Liga in Spain for the absolute best domestic league in Europe. Yes, England did invent the game. But by no means have they perfected it. Trust me on this, Newcastle United would be relegated if they played in Spain or Germany. But in England, the Magpies remain in the top flight. This despite the fact Newcastle is an absolute rubbish side. The EPL has a manic marketing machine behind them, but all the marketing in the world can’t hide the deficiencies on the pitch.

New Rule:


The 2022 World Cup should not be played in Qatar. This goes under the category of D’UH! Recently, FIFA president and incompetent imbecile Sepp Blatter announced that the 2022 World Cup would have to be played in the winter, because of the heat of Qatar’s summers. Temperatures in Qatar in the summertime can goes as high as 50 degrees celsius. (122 degrees fahrenheit.) Because of the heat that would melt the cold heart that belongs to Sepp Blatter, it was determined that the world’s biggest sporting event would be held in winter during the heart of the European domestic season. Here’s a better idea. Why not move the World Cup to somewhere in Europe where they have proper stadiums. (Spain and/or England would be ideal places.) Or why not Australia. Yes travel is a concern in the land Down Under, but this is a wealthy nation with stadiums that  would be filled by eager tourists and soccer fans who would eagerly go to one of the world’s great nations. Plus soccer is a growing sport in Australia, and their recent qualification into the 2014 World Cup will bring extra attention to the sport, in a sport-mad nation. It makes sense. But Sepp Blatter doesn’t make sense. So for now, we’re stuck.

You can follow me on Twitter @jstar1973



Filed under Humor, Sports

3 responses to “New Rules Part 6

  1. aidanfromworcester

    True stuff, especially about the owners. Some soccer club in Argentina has its owners have a press conference with fans after every season, and this season the fans threw chairs at them. That’ll force owners to get their act together.

  2. Can you imagine what would happen if American Football had a World Cup-type event, and some European dickweed wanted to shut down the NFL for two months in the middle of the season?

  3. Pingback: SBM Exclusive: New Rules | Sports Blog Movement

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