10…9…8… Eventually you get the blinding flash, then the blast wave that crushes everything in its path for miles in every direction, then the radioactive fallout which poisons the landscape into a toxic nuclear wasteland where there simply is no survival.
Then there’s what happened to my bracket. This was beyond collapse; this may have been the worst bracket I’ve ever filled out. If you read any further, be warned that my bracket exploded with such ferocity that radiation may be seeping into your eyeballs at this very moment.
Welcome to the only region in which I didn’t pull a chair up to the steam table at the “All You Can Suck” buffet. Kentucky was the only Final Four team I picked correctly, but at least I didn’t pick them to win it all. My theory was there would be so much Kentucky money out there that if the Wildcats tripped up, it was simply a matter of feasting on everybody else’s misery. Welcome to Backfire City…population, me.
Even before Syracuse lost Fab Melo, I wasn’t buying them. When it came to this years bracket, I wasn’t buying any team from a conference with “Big” in its title. In particular, I had little faith in Ohio State. I really thought (and still do) they are just Jared Sullinger and little else. Apparently, I underestimated the Buckeye big man.
I can’t tell which hurts worse here…the fact that I screwed myself by picking a champion which violated this year’s rule about teams from conferences with “Big” in their title, or the fact that my champ was taken out by Louisville. My winner lost to a team coached by a guy who looks like a cross between Colonel Sanders and Fredo Corleone.
As God as my witness, there is no college basketball team I hate more than Kansas. No team has screwed me in this tournament more than Kansas. They lose when they should be dominant. They win when they suck (I’m looking at you, Danny F–king Manning). Even this year, they damn near lost to Purdue. Kansas has prison-raped my brackets so often I’m amazed they aren’t in the Big Ten.
What this will boil down to is who wins…Ohio State or Kentucky. That is somewhat like betting on World War II and needing Nazi Germany to beat Soviet Russia. Either way, there will be much misery.